i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
