he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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