I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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