Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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