Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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