i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
