Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I love you. Go after that dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
