if i can run in heels then i can drive
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
