That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
