see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
