Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
