she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
