He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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