is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
