Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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