So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
