That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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