we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
