I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
