If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
