remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize