Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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