Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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