Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
