i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize