He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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