Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
