why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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