he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need a beard to bite.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
