wrigley field is MILF paradise
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
