We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
