Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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