I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Someone signed my nipple.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
