so that wasnt chicken after all
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
