You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize