Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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