LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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