I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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