You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In America we eat man semen.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
