im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize