i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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