Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
