I accidentally had phone sex last night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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