Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
