dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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