Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
