You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
