Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
