I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
