Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The best revenge is premature balding
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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