If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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