i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize