I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
