Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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