Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
