But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
