I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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