Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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