you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
