yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
cat food counts as protein by the way
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
