Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize