The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
