Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
