the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
