I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
