i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She said her name was "party"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
