u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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