i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
