I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
