apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
