I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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