that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
