i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
operation have a gay friend backfired
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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