Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
