Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Found the puke drawer
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
