GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
