i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my liver is dry heaving
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
