I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
