It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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