yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
