So drunk its hurt
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
