so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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