Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
