I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
this is an emotional support booty call
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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