Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
