Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
